How’s it goin’ peeps? Five years ago we had the lowest tech website on the interweb. We made millions of people laugh away their miserable lives, but then… Life got in the way. Justin and I slowly moved away from StangelBros.com.
We told Bill Gates* (not the Microsoft guy) that we didn’t want to sell the site. We told Oprah* (not the plumber from Idaho) that we weren’t interested in joining her illuminati group. We stopped posting.
Now, there’s a global pandemic and everyone is quarantined. (If you’re just hearing about this for the first time 1- I’m sorry you had to hear it from us and 2- What the fuck is wrong with you that you had to hear it from us??)
America needs StangelBros.com.
So we’re going to start putting up distractions to help get you thru your day. And please contact us and let us know how you’re doing. We’re all in this together. If you get one laugh from this website, we’ve done our job. Of being extremely disappointing.
Meanwhile, our site which looked outdated 5 years ago, now is a living relic. It’s like Jurassic Park. Exactly like Jurassic Park.
Welcome back. Sorry it’s under these circumstances, but what can you do.
Check back often and stay well.
My first Yankees game was in 1978. I was almost 7. We loved that team. Thurman, Reggie, Nettles, Sweet Lou, Mick the Quick, Gator, Bucky, Goose. My dad took my brother & me. Just the guys. Mom stayed at home. We went through the turnstyle and Dad said “Wait here.” And he went off and bought a yearbook and a scorecard and a hat for us. (In retrospect, leaving two children alone in the Bronx in the 70s might not have been the best idea. ) Anyway, I remember the feeling of walking through the tunnel to the seats and seeing the giant ballpark. It was awe inspiring. Dad isn’t a sports fan, but he wanted to give us the full ballpark experience. He got us hot dogs, Cracker Jacks, soda. Everything. On the way home I threw up all over myself. My Dad jokingly said, “When we get home, run up to Mom, give her a big hug and tell her you missed her.” Justin and I thought that was really funny. My Dad said “I’m kidding. Don’t do it.” When we got home, my Mom came out and asked “How was the game?” I ran up to her and gave her the biggest hug and told her I missed her. She hugged me tight and thought it was sweet. Until she realized I was covered in vomit. My dad got in trouble.
Growing up I was a casual fan of the New York Knicks. Once the Isiah Thomas era made its impact, I have to admit, I lost interest.
On February 8, 2015 a story came out about an unfortunate exchange between Knicks owner James Dolan and a lifelong Knicks fan named Irving Bierman. It became a media firestorm.
A firestorm that gave us an idea. Two days later, I emailed Mr. Dolan simply to see if he would respond. I did some research and found an address that was attributed to Dolan and gave it a shot.
And then forgot about it.
Until he responded today.
Do I know it’s him? No. Did it come from an email address with his name at a company he owns? Yes. Did I ask permission to print the email on StangelBros.com? Yes. Was he okay with it? He wrote “Go ahead.”
Here is my email that I received today which, again, may or may not be from James Dolan, with my original note to him below. Go Knicks!
Back in 1995-1996 we wrote jokes for Norm MacDonald who was doing Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live.
Here are two of our first jokes
This Thursday businesses around the country will be celebrating the 4th annual “Take Our Daughters to Work Day.” Or, as producer Aaron Spelling calls it, Thursday.
Doctor Kevorkian just killed his 29th patient. He’s not a good doctor! I’ve killed less people than him, and I’m not even a doctor. He’s terrible.
Thanks Norm, and congrats SNL on 40 years.
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH JUSTIN STANGEL
I was able to land an interview with Emmy Award winning comedy writer/producer Justin Stangel. You will be SHOCKED at what he had to say. (Note to news outlets: This material is copyrighted, please contact us for permission to re-print)
Eric Stangel: What are you doing?
Justin Stangel: computer- iTunes stuff.
Eric Stangel: Who is your favorite James Bond?
Justin Stangel: Sean Connery. Daniel Craig. You?
Eric Stangel: This is my interview.
Justin Stangel: Ok.
Eric Stangel: I asked for your favorite and you said 2 names. WTF?
Justin Stangel: Sean Connery.
Eric Stangel: Did Sean Connery even play James Bond?
Justin Stangel: Yes he did.
Eric Stangel: Are you thinking of Alec Guinness?
Justin Stangel: No. He never played Bond.
Eric Stangel: if you could have a Bond villain/henchman as one of your bodyguards, who would it be and why?
Justin Stangel: Odd Job. Cause he’s badass and has that crazy hat.
Eric Stangel: What was with Richard Kiel’s haircut?
Justin Stangel: No idea.
Eric Stangel: He’s dead now.
Justin Stangel: Yes.
Eric Stangel: Do you think there’s a James Bond villian/henchman curse?
Justin Stangel: Maybe. It’s possible.
Eric Stangel: Do you believe in magic?
Justin Stangel: Yes.
Eric Stangel: Ever seen a spaceship?
Justin Stangel: Yes.
Eric Stangel: If you could, would you live in space?
Justin Stangel: Yes. No question.
Eric Stangel: Anything to plug?
Justin Stangel: I’ll be at Foxwoods March 14, 15 and 16th
Eric Stangel: Doing what?
Justin Stangel: My one man show. I show the history of man in 45 min.
Eric Stangel: Thanks
Nick Hardwick announced this week he was retiring after 11 seasons as center for the San Diego Chargers. Over the years he has grinded through some tough situations. Let’s see if he’s prepared to answer “Five Dumb Questions From Eric Stangel.”
I ask the questions the media is afraid to ask. No subject is off-limits.
(USA Today Sports Images)
1- Eric: Nick, you’re an intimidating dude, but I heard you say you used to throw up before games. Did you brush your teeth before the game, or use your breath as a weapon?
Nick Hardwick: There was no time to brush teeth before a game. Those are tough times. In particular, I remember vowing to never eat eggs or spaghetti with meat sauce again before a game. Apparently I didn’t chew those foods as well as I should have and getting those in the nasal passage was uncomfortable to say the least. It induced more vomiting.
2- Eric: After getting injured this season, you lost 85 pounds. What high-calorie food do you miss the most?
Nick Hardwick: I used to eat a pint of Ben and Jerry’s nightly before bed to keep my weight up. Wow! Those were special times that I miss.
3- Eric: You were a Chargers team captain. What kind of crap goes on during the coin toss? Anyone ever try to intimidate?
Nick Hardwick: Captains are in general more respectful and exchange pleasantries. However, young, disrespectful captains would oftentimes refuse to shake our hands and run off the field after they found out they were kicking off or receiving. I never understood that.
4- Eric: Your former Charger teammate Kris Dielman told a lovely story about how you drank a bottle of your own urine for $1300. A guy who is willing to drink his own urine must have done something equally disgusting. Can you give us another one?
Nick Hardwick: Drinking my own urine was as far physically as I have gone. Now there’s plenty of other stories that I’m going to go ahead and plead the fifth to before I incriminate myself.
5- (two part question) Eric: Do you miss Philip Rivers’ hands on your ass? Do you think you’ll occasionally invite him over to have him put his hands on your ass?
Nick Hardwick: No comment.
Eric: (That’s not a no.) Good luck with the next chapter. Thanks for your hard work with the Chargers!
Ben Higgins was kind enough to invite me to appear via Skype on Bolts Brown Bag, ABC 10 News’ insightful Chargers program. Ignore the fact that Skype craps out like 42 times. All I know is, I got to have a moment with Chargers legend Louie Kelcher…
A couple of weeks ago, we took the internet by storm by announcing the first member of our #StangelsCoolGuyClub, Mr. @JohnStamos. Well John, you’ve got some company. “Cool Guy” #2 is actually a “Cool Gal.” It’s… Mindy Kaling!
She’s funny, creative, versatile, and seems like someone you’d want to hang with. Like if you called her up and said “I’ve never been to a Chuck E. Cheese’s. I know it’s gonna suck, but wanna try it?” She’d be all, “Yeah, let’s go.”
Mindy wrote 21 episodes of The Office, including “The Dundies,” “Golden Ticket” and “Ben Franklin” (which featured our hilarious pal @TVsAndyDaly as Ben)
Mindy, wherever you are, I hope you’re feeling a warm glow, because you are the 2nd member of the #StangelsCoolGuyClub